Posts Tagged ‘celebrities

11
Mar
08

Island of Dr. Moreau is Less Fun to Watch in Real Life

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Full-time socialite / plastic surgery buff(oon) Jocelyn Wildenstein was photographed eating lunch.

I’d really like to make some joke here about lion-women, or zoos, or something like that, but it’s hard to focus on being funny considering that my penis just crawled inside my body and started weeping uncontrollably.

Now, I’m a really serious journalist, but even I have no interest in exploring how this guy is able keep food down while pulling stunts like THIS one… or THIS other one. Maybe it has something to do with millions of dollars? Or fame? Or a twisted love of Narnia?

Hurt me, Aslan… I’ve been a very bad Ice Queen. Rake my back with your lion paws. Hurt me. OOOO…

Hey, my penis is back! Whew, thanks GEMMA ATKINSON!

06
Mar
08

Tom Brady Sextape… With Gisele..?

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Patriot’s female fans still reeling from the Super Bowl might have something to give them a boost: A Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen sex tape.

According to the New York Post, New York high dining noshery Phillippe has a funny little habit of videotaping celebrities in the restaurant’s private wine cellar, advertised as a private room.

A source for Page6 had this to say:

“They’ve watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele (Bundchen) hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people. Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what’s going on.”

A rep for Phillippe confirmed that there are cameras in the private rooms, but maintains that staff has no access to the tapes.

For some idea what might be on those tapes, click HERE….or you might try HERE ……. or HERE.

04
Mar
08

Phoebe Cates Continues Doing Nothing Newsworthy, Though Kevin Kline Has His Suspicions

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Phoebe Cates was photographed on the red carpet several years ago. I’m not sure what event, premiere, or award ceremony she was attending…

She was tan when this picture was taken; she looks healthy too. It’s rare to see a good photograph of Phoebe Cates since she retired from full-time show business to focus on being a mother of two children with Kevin Kline.

Known best for her work done in her late teens, she has been in some other things too.

Her son, Owen, received rave reviews for his performance in The Squid and the Whale. An admirable accomplishment for a boy too young to see photographs of Phoebe Cates like THIS famous scene, released when she was 19. Or THIS other one from the previous year.

Not that he’d want too anyway… unless he’s a pervert.

04
Mar
08

Things Just Couldn’t Be Better For Perez

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Gossip blogger Perez Hilton (real name: Mario Lavandeira) has been caught up in an (unexciting) sex-tape scandal of his own.

According to the New York Post, Jonathan Jaxson, another young blogger, sent Hilton sexually explicit tapes of himself as a result of promises for promotion for Jaxson’s own GOSSIP SITE.

‘He told me he would give me stories for my blog,’ Jaxson said. ‘He used me.’

Granted, Perez is pretty lame. And his site is pretty lame. But it’s far from being the lamest site on the internet – that honor goes to THIS SITE, which is so unnecessary that I was sure was a sham until I read Lindsay Lohan’s non-committal, barely coherent ‘endorsement’ trumpeted on the Celebrity Statements section.

The aspect of this scandal that makes it ridiculous is the fact that, apparently, of the billions of real (and fake) people on the internet, Mario couldn’t get anyone to send him a sex tape without an ulterior motive. And he’s well-known.

Kinda sad, isn’t it?

29
Feb
08

Pete Doherty Confirms Power of Lowering People’s Expectations

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British artist Pete Doherty is officially the Hero of the Year, 2007.

If the end-all-of-everything are the NME awards.

Now, I like Pete Doherty. A lot. As anyone who knows me can probably imagine, I like pretty much anyone who’s thin, has black hair, smokes a lot, and plays music. I loved his old band; I love his new band.

But even I’m not sure about this one.

For those of you who aren’t much into Brit-pop, Pete Doherty is a pro-musician / on-again-off-again junkie / Kate Moss’s on-again-off-again significant other… He was one of the two dubious geniuses behind the Brit-punk band The Libertines before his descent into total junkiedom and exile by every one except the police and the tabloids.

Hero of the Year?

In related news, Carl Barat is ‘very confused’ by Pete Doherty’s recent win, and had this to say when asked about the possibility of a new project with Pete:

“Yeah, actually. He said we should write a musical, which I really want to do. It’s just a matter of timing and sorting it out.”

He goes on to say that it would be in the vein of The Threepenny Opera, except based more on what they know.

I’m pretty excited; I know that I’ve been desperately in need of a lame non-existent project to get pumped about, and this one is perfect!

For a taste of the magic of The Libertines, and to jump on the bandwagon before it gets any later, check out this VIDEO… and for some very ‘special’ pictures of Kate Moss to get inside the psyche of Pete click HERE…… and HERE.

29
Feb
08

Paris Hilton is Enthusiastic… and Topless (Again)

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The new images from Paris’ topless (kind of) photo-shoot for the magazine 944 were released, thus – as a serious journalist – I have to talk about them.

Mmm, there’s not that much to say. Paris Hilton is lacking full clothing. She is thin. She also looks like she has to go to the bathroom really badly…

Mostly it’s just hard to think of any actual content to go along with these pictures with my hand under the table…

Desperately trying to soothe my groin from the spontaneous outbreaks of herpes and nine other STDs that exploded in my crotch just from looking at this picture.

For those of us who fondly remember the more wholesome (ever-so-slightly) Paris Hilton, click HERE and reminisce.

28
Feb
08

PETA is Bringing Subtlety Back to the Art of Protest

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PETA’s always had a kind of nervous habit as far as public nudity goes… and by nervous habit I mean young cute naked chicks. Mostly interns, according to PETA’s official site.

You know, I think every company and organization should try and find a way to incorporate nudity into company literature and promotion. Personally, I’m kind of tired of getting pre-approved credit card offers from a business that can’t even manage to talk an easily influenced girl into public nudity.  And what about those people standing around on street corners asking for money to stop global warming?  Just think about it.  Or pizza delivery?  Or the DMV?

And don’t even get me started on Victoria’s Secret. That place is just completely missing the point.
Slightly back on track, PETA doesn’t just get college freshman, they get celebrities naked too – like Alicia Silverstone, Eva Mendes, Steve-O [Yeah, no link there wise guy] Sophie Monk

B-List celebrities aside, PETA’s real legacy, aside from all the actual work it does, are all the averagely cute girls and the occasional stand-out gymnast, vegan, pure-bundle-of-positive, um, hotness that they get to pose. Naked. Here.

Now, I’m going to go heat up some To-Furky…

Because I’m cool like that.